The White Privileged me
“I don’t see colour … I’m attracted to You, as a person…”
- The White privileged Me, approx. 2 ½ years ago.
Thinking back, this sentence coming out of my mouth shocks me and embarrasses me, but is also a raw reflection of the bubble I grew up in. I guess I’m not exaggerating when saying that this is not an isolated stupidity, but that a high proportion of the White European population is not much smarter than I was (sadly…I’d wish!). Spending half a year in the “depressed areas” of Manila doing voluntary work, and the three University degrees in the pocket - of course one from abroad – mislead me to the wrong assumption that “I’m obviously very open and appreciative of different cultures and am obviously used to diverse spaces”.
Welp, I’m sure, many of y’all Black readers are not surprised because you’re forced to deal with that nonsense on a daily basis. I’m writing the following lines mainly for “my” people who are White, to take at least a tiny bit of work off the shoulders of ReM folks (using Christopher aka Dr. X term here), trying to be an Ally as good as I can.
Why do we need Black and Brown people to educate us, to make the world better as a whole, if we are the one’s making life fu**ing hard for them? In fact, not too difficult to answer… clearly because us White people are doing pretty well and are usually on the longer end of the stick (generally speaking and when comparing to every other ethnic group populating our planet). So why bother to change? White individuals can only lose - from an individual point of view… which is of course useless, since we would not make it far.
Thank you, Leah Thomas, who makes the point excellently: “Ignoring the existence of privilege is a privilege in its own”.
The new Me: agreeing 100%
The old Me: would have said something like “Which privilege, I had to work very hard for what I achieved”.
Old Me ignoring completely the countless advantages that put me ahead, such as never being treated unfairly by teachers due to my skin colour, getting the support I needed for the challenges I was facing since my parents had the necessary time- and monetary resources, getting useful internships due to my parents friends (support network), no disadvantages in interview processes for first jobs, not dealing with prejudices in the workplace, and the list could go on and on and on.) Not understanding the existence of these privileges is ignorant and only the ones who benefit from these, can be unaware.
So, me saying “I don’t see colour” was surely the worst hook up line that could have come to my head. Not seeing the colour is ignoring what accompanies Black people day-by-day, ignoring their experiences, disadvantages placed on our Black peers and not being aware of their fears (Ever fear for your life when you see a police car?). It is also ignoring the challenges that will come up when being in an interracial relationship. The (understandable) worries a mom will have when their Black son in dating a White girl – how will the parent-in-laws take it? Are they cool with it? Will they make their child feel welcomed?
The hook-up line mentioned before was of course not the only mistake I made, the longer Christopher and I were talking to each other, the more situations came up where I was nothing but wrong (what a lucky girl, that Christopher never gave up on me).
A brief insight of dumb-a** statements made by me, summarised for White readers: (Please learn from my mistakes, please!)
“Students would act the same if you would be White, it is their Culture, not their fear of Black people” – trust Black people when they say something happened because of their skin colour, they spent their whole life within a black body and have therefore a better feeling for these type of situations as you do.
“In the same way it was not easy for my grandma, growing up as a farmer’s girl on the countryside to keep up with kids from the city” – Don’t compare experiences of white people with experiences of Black people. Just don’t. There is no system in place that discriminates us solely because of our skin colour. It is simply not comparable.
“C: This dude don’t be … – K: do you know how to speak English? He/she/it, das ‘s’ kommt mit” – Katja, it’s called Ebonics! A language Millions of Afro-Americans speak, cultural heritage. Just don’t play this White private school girl card. I thought you’re used to diverse spaces?
“This lady is not following you through the store, that’s just a coincidence” – Various studies and research suggest, that Black people are followed through stores considerably more often than White people. So why should this have been an exemption? It was not his first time being followed because of prejudices…
This just to give you an idea of what Christopher would face in casual conversations or situations. I found myself multiple times wondering, how we even end up in these conversations without seeing them coming. Because I didn’t understand the basics and didn’t realize that I acted highly problematic. So, from the above it is obvious, that I did not happen to be “very open and appreciative of different cultures” and also not “used to diverse spaces”.
I thank you, Christopher, every day for trusting me, trusting that I never want to stop rehumanising and becoming a better human being and spending this amazing life with you. Now I can say, I see the colour, I love your colour and all the vibes that come with your melanin. But I can also say I hate all the stupidity you and your Black fellows are confronted with on a daily basis. That’s why it is my task to comprehend the Black/White binary, continue to learn to be equipped for the difficult conversations with my White people.
Katja Schrank
